So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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