Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
