Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
