Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
