omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
