To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
