you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
