Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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