forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
