Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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