So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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