if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Someone signed my nipple.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
