i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
