Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
