the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
