i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
