Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Randomize
