I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
