I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
