but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize