How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
