my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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