Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
