I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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