he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
