I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize