This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
