Can i not drive my cunt home
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
