i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
