I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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