hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize