Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
