I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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