My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
operation have a gay friend backfired
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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