I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i wish my penis had a tongue
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
