People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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