i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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