i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize