my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
