We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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