Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
