yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
