There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
