I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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