We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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