Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
