It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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