yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Randomize
