Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
This is the high leading the old right now
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize