Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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