I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
