I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
