Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize