I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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