She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
