big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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