Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Randomize
