Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
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