dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
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