census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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