Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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