Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize