i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
