I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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