Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
operation harelip BJ is a go
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
