Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Randomize
