i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
