watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
