so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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