I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
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