my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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