remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
