he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
