your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
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